FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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