First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i now understand why vodka
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
