she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
