Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
