they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
