At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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