i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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