So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
