Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
