Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
