Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think my tv is drunk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
