Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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