i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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