I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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