I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
