I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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