Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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