Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
