ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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