I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
