Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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