I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
