Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
