Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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