Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
