Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
