You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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