I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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