My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
