She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
