I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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