Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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