Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
