I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
