I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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