sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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