Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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