How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
