I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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