I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize