I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
