OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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