I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
