I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
