you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
