The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
