so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
