i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
