I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
