bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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