I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
MIDGETS
????
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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