I wish my penis had an off switch
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
