Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just tell him i said nine months
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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