no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
