Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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