u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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