I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
