you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
