Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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