does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
