sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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