have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
