i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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