I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
