I want to have your abortion
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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