break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
