Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
